My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
