She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize