she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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