hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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