What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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