I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
