walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
