Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
