Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
