tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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