Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
