Taylor Swift is so right about you.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
