Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
