Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize