You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
