You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
