Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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