you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
