my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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