im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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