My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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