If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Are we still banned from the library?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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