help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
