She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
