Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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