I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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