o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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