There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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