i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
