were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
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