they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
