my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
