I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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