My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
