i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
