i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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