girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
