I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize