I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
