ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
