An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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