Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
