I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
