so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
