Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize