dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
