Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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