If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Come on in and take your pants off
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