I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
