I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
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