I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
