ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
