I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I intend to get homeless drunk
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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