i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
high people should be assigned attendants
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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