Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize