He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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