I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
