I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
