Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
