I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
