when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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