and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
