i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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