If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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