someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Randomize
