i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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