More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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