Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
and you fell through a lawn chair
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
