...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
