Got a toothbrush?
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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