Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
