I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
