maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
