Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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