Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
