dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so that wasnt chicken after all
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
