Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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