I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
