No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
